To say that change has become the theme of my life is to admit that I have lost control. I love to know what is happening next and how it is going to come about. I want everything in its place. That has ceased to happen. I am now admitting that change is forever the theme for all of life everywhere--especially mine. It's the one thing that happens regularly. I'm just now saying that it happens regularly in my life.

My son decided that it was time for him to move to a group home. He did not “come home” from the hospital. He is out of the hospital and in a lovely home about 6 miles from here. He can walk to all of his appointments. He seems to be enjoying it very much. He is not completely settled in but he is no longer living here. He celebrated his 28th birthday last month so this presents a different way of living for us.

Saturday morning, my father-in-law came into our office much later than his usual rising time. He was still in his pajamas and very disoriented. Dwayne thought it would be best for him to see a doctor. Between that decision and leaving the house, he decided it would be best to go to an emergency room. He suffered a minor stroke. It affects his ability to process information which explains why there has been such a noticeable change in his thoughts. He says his left hearing aid is broken and he can’t see well from his left eye for a few weeks. Other than these changes, there are no classical stroke symptoms.

Now we’re home alone. We have longed for it; wished for it and wept for it yet it feels odd. We can eat dinner whenever we feel like it. We can lollygag and start our day when we’re ready. We are becoming reacquainted with no overarching need that requires us to address it. It may only be for a few weeks. I’m planning to enjoy it and embrace it even though we may be day to day caregivers again.

God, however, remains constant. None of this surprises him. He still knows my name and promises to stay with me.

Isaiah said this: But now so says Jehovah who formed you, O Jacob; and He who made you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk in the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame kindle on you. (Is. 43:1, 2)

This week finds me trying to catch my breath. My son was hospitalized last Wednesday. My father-in-law's mind is slipping quickly. He's been home 3 weeks and every day, there's a change in his cognitive ability. It becomes tougher to take care of him because he's less able to help us.

Do we seem like this when God looks at us? Do we seem sick or unable to think when we take our trouble to him? Do we seem like a small child who can't manage? I have been learning that my attitude toward these two does not match God's attitude toward me. He does not resent me when I'm unclear. He does not find it surprising when I lose my footing and need to take a break. He tenderly cares for me. I'm learning (very slowly) that God leads me every day. When I rant and rave and express my anger, he listens to me and instructs me in what I need--not what I want. When I grieve, he holds me and lets me cry. When I'm happy, he rejoices with me. I have one note and it's aggravation. It's not attractive and it's not like Christ.

God asks me to walk more slowly. He asks me to be patient and live with their capabilities. They have limitations that affect us. We all have imperfections. God doesn't get angry with us for our shortcomings. He teaches us how to live with them and do what we can in spite of them. It's a hard lesson to learn and a hard way to learn it.

In Psalm 32:8, God says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you, My eye shall be on you. "

I trust that he will continue to teach me and counsel me and keep his eye on me. I need it.

Life Happens

Life has been happening.  It got interrupted and now we're falling back into our normal.  We flew to Ft. Knox, Kentucky on September 18th.  We weren't sure we'd be able to see our son Aaron but the plans were made.  We got off the plane, picked up our rental car and my phone rang.  It was Aaron saying that he was available as soon as we could get there.  We picked him up (after we found him) and spent all day with him and a buddy.  We took them for dinner and a little shopping.  It was a great day.  It was good to see that he had made it through basic training well.  He is more confident than we have ever known him to be.  We spent Friday sight-seeing and flew back on Saturday. 

Joshua contracted a cold while we were gone.  My father-in-law returned home Wednesday.  Dwayne's brother Dale drove him home.  We appreciated that. He had a cold when he got back.  Dad also came home with a broken hearing aid and a to-do list.  Within a few days, even Dwayne had a cold. 

In the meantime, my rehearsals have started for the fall show.  We're putting Bye Bye, Birdie together.  It means that I don't have as much time to myself as I would like. Last week was spent at appointments--doctors, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers--as well as rehearsals.  This week will be spent in much the same way.  Hopefully we can get these finished and the schedule will relax a little. 

As I was saying, life happens.  Every day new challenges crop up.  Sometimes it's the sameness of each day.  I enjoy life when there is something unusual--a graduation, a special birthday, a wedding.  I don't like it much when it's the same as yesterday.  I want to enjoy life as it happens.