This week finds me trying to catch my breath. My son was hospitalized last Wednesday. My father-in-law's mind is slipping quickly. He's been home 3 weeks and every day, there's a change in his cognitive ability. It becomes tougher to take care of him because he's less able to help us.
Do we seem like this when God looks at us? Do we seem sick or unable to think when we take our trouble to him? Do we seem like a small child who can't manage? I have been learning that my attitude toward these two does not match God's attitude toward me. He does not resent me when I'm unclear. He does not find it surprising when I lose my footing and need to take a break. He tenderly cares for me. I'm learning (very slowly) that God leads me every day. When I rant and rave and express my anger, he listens to me and instructs me in what I need--not what I want. When I grieve, he holds me and lets me cry. When I'm happy, he rejoices with me. I have one note and it's aggravation. It's not attractive and it's not like Christ.
God asks me to walk more slowly. He asks me to be patient and live with their capabilities. They have limitations that affect us. We all have imperfections. God doesn't get angry with us for our shortcomings. He teaches us how to live with them and do what we can in spite of them. It's a hard lesson to learn and a hard way to learn it.
In Psalm 32:8, God says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you, My eye shall be on you. "
I trust that he will continue to teach me and counsel me and keep his eye on me. I need it.
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